Cab drivers in the FCT are a unique bunch. From the animated young chancer that drives as if he’s been chased and beeps so much that his car-horn has lost its voice and now sounds like the squeak of a frightened rodent, to the older veteran whose taxi resembles him: rundown. They don’t suffer fools gladly, and if you snooze, you lose. Knowing how to navigate a taxi journey in the city will save you time and money, so here Metropole shares some tips to help you get the most out of a ‘drop’ and avoid unnecessary wahala.
1. Women vs Men: The fact remains that a young woman is more likely to get a taxi (or a lift from private motorists for that matter) than a man. So ladies, all you have to do is walk along the side of the road, you don’t even have to be looking out for a car. You can be looking at your phone and the taxi will horn to alert you of their willingness to take you wherever you want to go. Taxi drivers are also likely to reduce the fare for a lady, especially if she smiles. Sorry guys. There’s a scale on which you can measure a taxi driver’s passenger preferences; it starts with Young Attractive Lady at the top, then Older Woman, then Well-Dressed Man, then Average Young Man. But if you’re an Average Young White Man, you shoot to the top of the list.
2. Pidgin is Best: No matter how proper your diction or how flawless your foreign accent, it is better to adopt the colloquial Pidgin English when talking to a taxi driver. They’ve seen and heard it all before, and unless you want to be charged double for the impression of wealth your non-standard Nigerian accent suggests, it’s best to adopt the local lingo. They may also misunderstand you, and end up taking you to Kubwa when you said “Cool Bar.” Pepper your haggling and in-car gisting with lots of idiomatic exclamations to show familiarity.
3. Agree Fare First: It is foolish to begin your journey without first agreeing on the appropriate remuneration, and make sure you confirm whether they have change for N1K or N500, because if they don’t, you might have to forego the change and overpay them – which they always hope will happen – or waste time searching your surroundings for spare change. It is universally acknowledged that you must never accept the first fare the taxi-driver suggests; you are to reduce it by between N100 to N300 depending on your knowledge of the usual fare for the distance you want to travel.
4. Know Your Destination: Many taxi drivers will say they know a place when they don’t, and even if they tell you they don’t know it, by the time you describe the place to them and list the landmarks nearby, they’ll say they know, even if they only have a vague idea. So make sure you can direct them otherwise you’ll both end up lost and the driver will charge you for the excess journey. Also, if they sense that you’re new to Abuja, they might try and take the long route to your destination so they can charge you more. If you’re unlucky, the more heinous amongst them might even take you on a dangerous journey you’ll never forget.
5. Beware of Danger: The majority of taxi drivers are jovial and good-natured, if slightly careless in terms of road safety. They may be given to bouts of bad-temper or verbal abuse of their fellow drivers, but on the whole they are just somebody’s father or son trying to make a living. Then there are the dangerous predators looking for prey they can steal from, violate or kidnap. Although incidences of taxi-related crime are unusual, they happen, especially when sharing a cab with others. So be vigilant, especially if the car is not the normal green and white painted taxi.
6. Be Friendly: No matter the obvious difference in class or education (or hygiene), he who is in the driving seat calls the shots. It costs nothing to be easy-going and animated in your general patter; being aloof doesn’t endear you to the average cabman, especially in cases where you may need his sympathies later, e.g. You don’t have change, you’re stuck in traffic or you need him to drive faster. However, you will rarely have to ask a taxi driver to speed up; they need no encouragement for that.
7. Complain, But Nicely: If you need to wind up because the breeze from the window is spoiling your up-do, or wind down because you’re sweltering but the winder-handle is missing; or you want to know why the seatbelt is hanging off its hinges in tatters and endangering your life; or why you have to accompany them to the Petrol station when you’re in a hurry, ask nicely. You don’t want to argue with a taxi driver, because they’ve seen it all and have the best insults waiting in their pockets, ready to hurl at you without remorse. They have nothing to lose, so shouting in the middle of the road and causing a scene is all in a day’s work, but you in your fine suit or exquisite hair-do will look the most foolish if things reach to a head.
8. Gisting is Good: Some people would rather communicate with their phones than to the taxi driver, who always appreciates a good yarn. Whether it’s about politics, people or the Nigerian condition, if you can verbally-joust with them and include a few jokes along the way, you’re in for a fruitful journey as taxi drivers are repositories of both useful and useless information. They may even let you off N100 here or there if you don’t have change, simply because they enjoyed your company. But if you’d rather concentrate on your phone – after all, not everyone wants to chatter with a hyped-up driver throughout their journey – that’s fine too. Just be cordial when you climb in and out of their cab.
9. Say Thank You: They probably don’t care whether you thank them when alighting, and most of these transactions take place in silence anyway: You reach your destination, you give the driver your money and you exit the taxi. But saying ‘Thank You’ makes you seem grateful; after all, they did ferry you safely to your destination. And for some of these old-timers who lament the degeneration of Nigerian cities and the rudeness of people nowadays, a passenger that says thank you might restore their hope in mankind.
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